A Visit from Family

Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Richiepoo:  We love you, and we're still talking about you daily.  We are so thankful that you came to visit!  Please come again soon because we all miss you too much.  California is just too far away...   Love, Grant and Grace

Vacation with the Gators

Yes, we're on vacation with the inlaws. But seriously...

We arrived in Orlando Friday afternoon and by Saturday morning, we were hanging out at Gatorland.

I'll be honest, my expectations were low. I envisioned a handful of meager alligators staring glumly at me from behind Plexiglass, but the reality was much different. This place had gators everywhere, and they were huge.

The highlight of Gatorland was Grant and Grace getting their picture taken holding an albino Burmese python. I was pretty shocked that they held the snake without fear.

Later in the day they visited the aviary, and that actually did terrify Grant. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, handled it with Hitchcockian aplomb. Should be a good week.

Children's Museum

We celebrated cousin Brakston's 4th bday at the Children's Museum. Grant and Grace loved every minute of being there with one of their best buds. We go all the time, but there is something extra special when you go with your cousin!

It Just Wasn't the Plan

Adoption is a heart wrenching experience, no matter the outcome. In the best cases, you love a child who isn't biologically your own in the exact same way that you'd love a biological child. In the worst cases, things don't turn out as planned, and you run the risk of getting your heart broken in the end.

Today was the day when all of Nadia's paperwork was to be signed, finalizing our adoption of this beautiful little girl. But it just wasn't in God's plan for our family.

We've had a rough couple of days. There have been questions about whether the paperwork was going to get signed, and just about the time we thought we had gotten through all of the hurdles, doubt was again introduced. At the end of the day, our birth mom changed her mind, and Nadia went home with her.

We knew going into this adoption that like most, there were risks. The risks in this case were somewhat higher, but Erin and I made the decisions the best way we knew how with the knowledge that we possessed. We prayed about things. We talked with Grant and Grace about the potential outcomes the best way we knew how. We wouldn't do anything differently.

In the end, we know that God has a plan for our family, and that eventually we'll have the baby that He wants us to have. But right now, it's hard. Really, really hard. Erin and I are numb. You never expect things to go this way. But even in the few hours since we felt like our worlds fell apart right in front of us, we've reaffirmed that we both believe in God, we both believe in each other, and we will get through this.

It does make for a rough Father's Day though. I'm sure this miserable day will eventually be a hazy, still a little teary, memory. But for now, we'd simply appreciate it if you'd pray for us and our kids. Thanks, and we love you guys...

Covington & Opelika

While my beautiful wife gets no sleep and raises our three hoodlums singlehandedly, I am off to the deep south this week doing training sessions in Covington, Georgia and Opelika, Alabama. (I'm sure my family in Birmingham felt my presence as I entered the state this afternoon. I bring my own gravity.)

I flew into Atlanta late Monday night, and it was a typical trip into ATL. We arrived 20 minutes early, only to find a broken plane stuck in our gate. Thus we waited 40 minutes on the tarmac in the sizzling Georgia sun with little air on the plane. Delightful. You really only get the full flavor of sweat when stuck inside an airplane.

My trip to Covington was successful, but uneventful. I did learn that the show The Vampire Diaries films in Covington on their lovely town square. I figure this means that Covington is a destination for my sister, as she's addicted to all things vampires. I deflated the enthusiasm of the individual who passed along this information by asking, "Is that something from the TV?"

After work, I drove from Covington down to Opelika, AL. Along the way, I got news from Erin that a) plumbers did a bunch of work on The Compound today, b) septic cleaners finished fixing our septic tank, c) a) and b) left big bills to pay and d) our adoption finalization is going to take longer than planned.

Obviously d) is the most troublesome item in this list. It's very difficult living with our current uncertainty, so please say a little prayer for our family. We have a lot going on, and Erin especially could use some support right now. I'm of little use when I'm home, but when I'm traveling, I'm even more useless to her.

So in an effort to relax tonight and let my head clear, I set off for the Cock of the Walk restaurant. This great little southern cooking restaurant is situated on a pond in what I'm sure was once a secluded corner of Lee County. Now it's about two blocks from "Tiger Town" -- a ginormous shopping complex decked out in full Auburn tiger gear.

As I sat and sipped my tea and stuffed my face with corn bread, fried catfish, and surprisingly delightful pickled onions, I watched as tables full of people went out to throw leftover cornbread into the pond. It appeared that I was missing some kind of ritual (and let's be honest, I'll be danged if fish are gettin' me cornbread), so on my way out the door, I stopped to look over into the pond, only to discover hundreds of turtles clamoring for the corn bread. Off to the side were several beautiful ducks, slowly choking to death on several pounds of corn bread. I strongly suspect that you could walk across the pond on the shells of choked turtles, but I didn't test this theory.

Tomorrow I do another training session, and then it's back to the Chateau du Leaks to be with my family and get through the tough times at home.

To make matters only slightly worse, tomorrow is our anniversary (the date inscribed on the inside of my wedding ring sears a little bit on the date, just to remind me.) So happy anniversary, honey. I wish I were home with you, and I hope you get a little bit of sleep tonight. G'night...

The Waiting Game

Thursday afternoon, Erin and I dropped the kids off with the grandparents and boarded a last minute flight to Providence, RI. The baby is scheduled to come, one way or another, this morning (Saturday), so we wanted to be sure to be here for the big event.

We arrived late Thursday night and stayed at a hotel adjacent to the airport. We've never been in Providence, so we decided that on Friday, we would get in touch with our birth mom, and then perhaps spend a little time sightseeing.

Friday morning we got up and had breakfast at the Sunrise Cafe in Warwick. It was my kind of place. Low key. They managed to incorporate pizza ingredients and every pepper imaginable into various omelets. It was excellent.

After breakfast, we made our way up to the campus of Brown University and wandered around. Our birth mom called Erin around 11am to let us know that she was up and wanted to meetup (for the 1st time) for lunch. Erin and the birth mom have communicated primarily through texting, so an exchange to say "I'm up," "let's meet," and "see you in 30" took Erin approximately 3000 button presses and over an hour. The students we passed while walking around Brown were no doubt impressed that my wife had used her obvious technical talents to keep such an antiquated cell phone in working order.

We picked up birth mom and headed for lunch at Micheletti's in Seekonk, MA. As we approached the door to this quaint little diner, we encountered a sign announcing that the restaurant was cash only. This appears to be a growing trend in the northeast, as we've encountered it multiple times on this trip. I left the ladies and headed out in search of an ATM.

I walked across the street to a gas station and asked the attendant if they had an ATM. "Sure do. It's over there." I walked over to an ATM with a dark screen. I pushed buttons, swiped cards, but nothing. I walked back to the counter. "If the screen is dark, does that mean the ATM doesn't work?" The lady acted like my question was a crazy one and said -- "Yep, the ATM don't work." Generally there is an implication when a customer asks if you have an ATM that the ATM be functional. Gas station customers aren't usually looking for ATM parts or operating an ATM salvage company.

I ended up driving to another grocery store AND a pharmacy before I found a functional ATM. Apparently "Seekonk" is an ancient Indian word for "busted ATM." After loading up some cash, I headed back to Micheletti's for lunch. We had a very nice conversation with our birth mom, and Erin and I both felt like the relationship was going very well. I have found in these situations that my best approach is to say as little as possible, without seeming weird. The chances of something offensive escaping the corners of my mouth is simply too high in such a risk laden situation.

After lunch, we dropped birth mom off at her house, and Erin and I went out in search of a hotel. We landed nearby at a Holiday Inn Express.

Last night, desperately in need of some relaxation, Erin and I went first went for Japanese food at Tenchi Sushi. We both had great food, and it was nice to just sit and reflect on everything without having to keep Grant and Grace (who we dearly miss) from killing each other.

After dinner we saw "Bridesmaids." I think Kristen Wiig is generally pretty funny, and this movie was no exception. The theater was packed, and we actually missed a lot of the dialog because of prolonged laughter. It was just what we needed. One scene had Erin laughing so hard that she couldn't breathe. It's rare for something other than me to create a scenario where Erin can't breathe, for whatever reason, so it was nice to see her relax a little bit.

So this morning we're just sitting in the waiting room, waiting for the action to start. Our birth mom is doing just fine, and everyone is just waiting for the main event. I can't really imagine what she's going through, as these two people she just met face to face for the first time yesterday, stand anxiously at the foot of her bed with catcher's masks on. I plan to simply go where I'm told for the rest of the morning. I suspect I will act as the food runner for the rest of the day, and that's fine with me.

I'm Dreaming of a...

Tonight while riding in the car with Grant and Grace, we heard an ad for a local theater showing the holiday classic, "White Christmas." Grant's comment?

I'd like a "Brown Christmas" or a "Black Christmas" better.

Word.

Dates With the Elderly

As most everyone that knows me is aware, I'm pretty much a total music geek. To this day, I buy quite a bit of music, still go to an occasional concert, and still enjoy finding new music to listen to in my spare 15 minutes a day. Frequently my love of music rubs my wife the wrong way, mostly because I enjoy some pretty noisy bands and she'd rather me spend the money on a more suitable family hobby. To both, I say "Balderdash."

Over the course of the last 15 years, one of the bands that I've followed pretty actively is called Guided By Voices. I became aware of GBV in 1994 when they were sort of the "next big thing" in indie music. Their songs were short, sounded like they came straight out of England circa-1966, and were frequently recorded using the highest fidelity portable tape recorders and wax cylinders available. In other words, they were gloriously noisy.

Over the years, I'd estimate I've seen GBV over 30 times, in part because they're from Dayton, OH which is relatively close to home, so they play in Indianapolis frequently. Erin and I famously spent our New Year's Eve in 2004 attending their "final" concerts in Chicago, an event which lasted about eight hours in total, spread across two evenings.

So imagine my excitement when someone offered GBV a fat wad of cash to go back on the road for one last round last month. I was thrilled at the opportunity to see a band that I love, one last time, so I plunked out $80 for a pair of tickets to a show last week in Bloomington, IN. I heard rumors that the guys in the band weren't necessarily excited about going back on the road, something I didn't really get at the time.

In retrospect, I should have known that buying two tickets was a mistake. After the middle-of-the-night extravaganzas in Chicago a few years ago, I was pretty sure that getting Erin to join me was an impossibility. But if there's one thing Erin detests more than GBV, it's waste. So when we were unable to unload my extra ticket last Friday night, she joined me for the concert.

The whole experience turned out to be a little weird for me. First, as we walked to the club, I noticed that Erin was wearing very hipster sneakers. I commented as such, and she replied "I thought they'd be comfortable, but I really should have brought my orthotics." Discussing your shoe inserts pretty much kills any hipster vibe you might be trying to cultivate.

Prior to the show, we ducked into a cute little restaurant for dinner. I opened my menu and found words like "sprouts," "tofu," and "curd." More like "crud," says I. Somehow wifey had lead me straight into a vegetarian lair. With waters already on the table, I began a sprint for the door, only to hear our malnourished waitress try to yell, "But we have salmon!"

After informing Erin that I wanted a burger on a bun with just a smidgen of blood pooled on the plate, we made our way to a place which not only served me just what I wanted, but did it with a 64 ounce beer. Perfect for concert going.

After dinner, we made our way to the club where we found seats along a wall with a good view of the stage. No way were we standing for three hours. GBV came out and sounded fine, but it just felt...weird. The guys in the band are all over 50 now, and you sort of got the feeling that they would have preferred to be relaxing at home. Plus, I'm not 21 anymore. I kept thinking to myself, "How is it possible that it's 11pm, and they're just starting? I'm exhausted."

In the end, Erin left about an hour in to wait things out at Steak 'n Shake. I left after the main set, missing, as I later found out, about an hour's worth of encores. But for the first time, that didn't bother me. I was tired, I wanted to get home before 3am, and I didn't want to spend the rest of the weekend tired and grouchy.

We got home to the empty house (the kids were with grandparents), Erin curled up with her orthotics, and I plopped into bed and watched a little bit of PBS. And you know what? I was fine with it. I have great memories of all of those concerts, and I still love the music, but I'm suddenly aware that it's 2010 and not 2000. And it's time for somebody else to be 21.

Lessons

Here are the things that I have learned as a stay-at-home mom in the last two months that no one ever really told me:

1. You will lose your voice and your sanity if you're traveling by yourself with two toddlers. I was walking through the Orlando airport with a stroller, a car seat, and three backpacks (as the kids had stop wearing the backpacks they had insisted that they needed) saying, "Grant, you're too close to the stroller. Grant, you're too far from us. Grace, stop dragging your hands on the floor. Grant, where are you? Grace, can you hold your pee until we get to the potty? Grace, don't you go potty in your pants! Grant, you just have to take your shoes off; it's a rule. Grant, it's a rule because... (how do you explain that one?). Grace, don't you go potty in your pants. On and on and on and on for hours and hours and hours. I know why they serve drinks on a plane, and it has nothing to do with wealthy business men or people who are scared of flying.

2. All the insecurities you had in junior high resurface when you volunteer to help at your child's first classroom party. I haven't experienced such rudeness in some time. It quickly made me feel like I was 13 again, far too tall for my age, pimple-clad and stuck at a really bad school dance.

3. There are lonely moments--really lonely moments. There are days that I don't have an adult conversation until Bret comes home. Those are long days.

4. I have friends who are really big on not ever lying to their kids, and I respect them immensely. But, I lie to my kids all day long, every single day. There are simple lies like "because I said so," which isn't the answer to their questions at all. It's the "I don't want to answer your question" response. That's a tiny lie. There are a whole slew of lies that really are just regurgitated wisdom our parents used like "don't stand too close to the tv because it'll hurt your eyes" or "if you keep talkin,g the pilot is going to put you out on the wing of the plane" (you didn't get told that one?). And, then there are bigger ones: like when I told Grant that if I caught him doing "x, y or z" again, he wouldn't get to ride Thunder Mountain. I don't think I intended to enforce that one, but he thought I did, so he responded (thankfully) in kind. Or, that Santa might bring lots of presents to other kids, but at our house, he only brings one present, it just costs more than those other presents. Or, that Sponge Bob makes your brain look like swiss chesse with huge holes. In the end, I've made peace with my lying.

5. Sometimes, toddlers talk all day long. They fill every single potentially silent second with constant chatter. Constant. Incessant. All. day. long. Usually, the height of this conversation comes just as you need to do or to remember to do something important. It's inevitable.

6. And, your talkative toddler repeats everything you say at the most inopportune time to the most inopportune people with no ability to provide the correct context. So, "I'm going to box your ears" which you said while you were having a play boxing match, and "You are exasperating today" which you said after your child purposefully poured water all over you, becomes "My mommy said I was exasperating and was going to box my ears" to the pharmacist while you're waiting in line. Nice.

7. The kitchen floor is your worst nightmare. Ever. You can sweep and mop three times a day, and it's still no match for your two toddlers, chocolate pudding, raisins and goldfish that are great to stomp on after lunch.

8. Reading a book is a thing of the past. Suddenly, magazines, even trashy celebrity ones, look good because you can feel a sense of accomplishment when you are finally able to get through some reading: even if it is only a recipe or a "who wore it best?"

9. You will start to hate the question, even from your husband: "What did you do today?" He'll have interesting things to talk about: work dynamics, problems he solved. Your answer will probably be that you cleaned the kitchen floor a few times, wiped a few noses and bottoms, stopped several near death leaps, and refereed a few sibling fights. If you're a really good mom, you've read your kid a book, but if you're like me, you just admit that they watched TV. And here's the kicker: you have the same answer every single day.

10. The kisses, the hugs, the taking care of your kids while they're sick, the play-do, the puzzles, the long afternoon walks where you tell them to avoid the dog poop (and they don't) are fleeting. It goes so quickly, and even for all the craziness, it's worth every single moment.

More End of Summer Fun

We've had a busy end to summer, and it's just getting crazier! For the sake of our own record-keeping, here are a few highlights.

We visited with Grant's birthmom and sisters. Grant looks so much like his older sister Jaidyn.


We headed to the Chinese Festival, where Grace watched with KEEN interest the dancers (all those cute Chinese girls; I could just pinch their cheeks). Grant was more interested in the food, the face painting and the jump houses.






We've been watching Grant play soccer (which has not been going well). He cries all the time. He is so incredibly jealous if anyone else kicks the ball; it's a real problem. We're working on it and praying about it (daily). Let's just say, I'm not sure team sports are in the boy's future.



Grant is busy with preschool two mornings a week, and I'm involved with a weekly Bible study that has a great (and free!) preschool program for both Grant and Grace on Tuesday mornings. Just yesterday, Grant came out of class singing a hymn. It's just so cute... and so amazing to watch their little minds eat up knowledge.

And, Grant has started back up with another round of swim lessons (even though he assures me he already knows how to swim). No crying this time... lots of smiles (despite the near frigid water conditions). He has a great kid teaching him (very energetic), which I think helps. Grace is enjoying herself more too (old shots are back in the May folder).




I'm sure that Bret will be back soon with funny thoughts, but for now, you're stuck with pics of my kids.

Back Home Again in Indiana

After a stop in Birmingham to see cousins, we made it home. Our whirlwind vacation came to an end, and as of right now, both kids are happily napping in their own beds. It was an amazing, unforgettable time--a real gift--and we will be forever thankful.

Here are our some pictures from our time in Birmingham where it was waterslides, cousins, good food, cousins, baseball, cousins, creek stomping, cousins and so much fun.

More Pics

Here are more pics from our Vail river fun and last night's chuckwagon show. Of course, we forgot our camera on the day we went to the gold mine (which I think was Grant's favorite activity); though, the calf roping from last night would also be a highlight for him.

Update #3: Cousins

Some of our cousins from California came out over Memorial Day weekend, and between cookouts, the Children's Museum and eating out, we had a blast. Both Grant (a little sad he can't marry his cousin) and Grace (surprisingly warned up to them very quickly) were so excited.

Here are a few pics.

Week One

If you see a guy on your street out washing, waxing, and detailing a giant white Kia mini-van that looks like it should belong to the Disabilities Ministry at the local church, it's a good bet that he's unemployed.

So far this week, I've weeded all the flower beds, cleaned up Erin's van, and done a host of other household chores that have been getting the brush off. Erin's van was, by far, the largest task. It took almost three hours to get the outside looking decent. After that was completed, I opened the doors and began work on the "under seat buffet" that is always present in our cars. The special this week was raisins, fruit gummies, and three month old milk. It was delightful.

When Erin got home from work, she asked, "Did you happen to find my iPod in there?" Alas, the iPod is still MIA. I suspect it is being enjoyed by whatever youth discovered it sitting all alone someplace, waiting to be picked up. Hopefully they're a fan of 90's indie rock. If so, they hit the jackpot.

In between projects, the job hunt is progressing, albeit slowly. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the break.

So, an unemployed couple walks into a bar...

Since it's now official, I guess we can let everyone in on what's going on with us. As many of you know, Erin and I made the decision a while back that Erin should stay home next year with the kids. We just felt like it was the right time, and with plans for a third at some point, we figured we should quit dumping money into day care sooner than later. So several weeks ago, Erin didn't renew her teaching contract for next year.

Additionally, many of you know that my job has been somewhat unsteady for a long time. But finally today, after working for essentially the same company (under various names) for 16 years, I was let go.

So, does anyone have any suggestions for what an unemployed couple with two kids can do? Our answer, in the short term, is to enjoy some time as a family. We have a trip to the beach coming in a few weeks, and who knows after that. I've been blessed, yet again, to be given a financial parachute that will last us for a little while...hopefully long enough to find a good job, wherever that may be.

In the mean time, I've been brainstorming some ideas for Erin & me, since we're both unemployed as of this summer:

1. Comedy Duo -- Nothing is funnier than watching a couple try to make it on stage when there is a slight undercurrent of uneasiness (see Sonny & Cher after the divorce).

2. Ice Cream Truck or Hot Dog Cart -- For ages, I've said that either of these things could make it in the large office park where I curr, er, used to work. I think this is our big chance.

3. Open a CD Store -- I realize that the use of a physical medium for music distribution, such as the CD, is going the way of the dinosaur, but we could live for a while selling off the extra copies of each Beach Boys or Kinks album that I have in my collection. Or at least we should recycle the plastic.

4. Late Night Office Cleaning Team -- Now I realize that my fear of germs would prevent me from doing most of the cleaning, so that would fall to Erin, but I could straighten the chairs in the conference room and empty the occasional trash can. Perhaps I could even do this for my old company. For a fee.

In reality, we're glad that one of our big unknowns is finally a known and that we can start moving forward with our lives. And what better time of year to get to spend some extra time together. We know the rest of the loose ends will come together in their time.

Sorry So Slow

Sorry that it's been such a slow week on here. The reality is that we have LOTS of things going on, not the least of which is enjoying the beautiful spring weather.

There are big changes coming for us, but I can't really update everyone just yet. Lots of unknowns and lots of unanswered questions. Hopefully by next week I'll be able to do a more complete post. My doctor informed me yesterday that you can get a time line for what's going on with me right now from a chart of my blood pressure over the past two weeks. Nice.

Update

My Dad (Erin) had 5 bypasses and part of his aorta replaced, but he made it. He has a steep climb to recovery in front of him, but we are grateful to God and to those of you who partnered with us in prayer.

Erin's Dad

My Dad is undergoing major (up to six bypasses and an artery replacement) heart surgery tomorrow, and while he is healthy and young, we would sure covet your prayers. I'll keep you posted.

This is all very unexpected, so we're trying to cope quickly with all the change. Your prayers for him, his doctors, his recovery and the rest of my family would be so very appreciated.

Keep Away

This is a warning to all of our friends, family, and people who might get within 10 feet of our children at a shopping mall, grocery store, day care, or church:

PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM OUR KIDS!

We can't take it any more. Yet again, Grant and Grace have low grade fevers and colds. Yet again, my Tivo remote and surrounding furniture are covered in a thin veil of snot. Once more, I am forced to listen to my two precious children hack and cough all night, forcing me out of my own much needed beauty rest.

So please, help a family out, and stay the heck away from us. If you have kids, and you think they might have a cold or have had one in the last, let's say, five years, stay away. If you've recently touched a sick person or have ever known a sick person, stay away. If you've ever handled anything like a door knob in a public place -- stay away. If you yourself have ever needed a Kleenex, for any reason, please, stay away.

Just give us a chance to heal for more than two weeks this time. Please? PLEASE?! We're begging you. Grant and Grace are really going to hate living in a plastic bubble in the garage.

Updates

Again, sorry it's been so slow here the past couple of weeks.  We are STILL waiting on our new home PC to arrive.  It's due to arrive the first week of February, so hopefully we'll get back to more regularly posting then.

The other big thing going on with us right now is that our kids are, again, sick.  It started last week with Grace, and now Grant has it.  Colds, fevers, runny noses, coughing all night.  It's making all of us extremely tired, although right now Erin and Grant are in the worst shape.  Never before have I been so ready for winter to end.  Poor little Grace's face has been chapped since October, and we're on at least our third major round of illnesses for the winter.

I hope everyone is doing well, and we look forward to getting back to more interesting posts in a couple of weeks!!