Too Cute

Here are just some of the pics from our Target photo shoot this afternoon. Aside from the fact that Grant has snot crusties under his nose, I think we did okay. There are some goofy ones... I try to buy the ones that capture (as much as a $50 Target session can) their personalities.

Are my kids cute or what? What's your favorite pic?

1. "I don't think I like this."

2. Doesn't quite look like her... what do you think?
3. Despite the snot, this is my favorite; it looks the most like my boy.
4. Cracking each other up!
5. off in space!
6. One of two Easter dress options (price tag new: $3.30)
7. My favorite of Grace; the one that looks the most like her (in my opinion).
8. Eats the camera up!
9. This is a common pic around our house. At least, Grace isn't screaming!
10. Crazy toes.
10. Too angelic. Not quite our firecracker!
11. Creepers
12. She thinks she's so funny!
13. Little man!
14. He's just too cute!
15. Love it!
16. Sweetness
17. Goofy boy
18. Hmmm...
19. Our two sweeties!
20.

Homeboy

Who taught my son to refer to himself as a "homeboy"? Fess up.

Kate? Clint? Aunt Barb?

I'm on to all-you-all!

American Idol Pool

Every year we have an American Idol pool at work. Since I don't watch the show regularly, I haven't previously joined. But this year, because I'm feeling especially social, I threw in my few bucks.

Who did I draw? Siobhan Magnus.

Does anyone know anything about Siobhan? How do you say that name? "Show bun?" "Chow ban?" "Ain't gonna win?"

Methinks Grant's college fund just got a few dollars lighter...

Lucky Number 13 and Geek Toys

The other day I was entering Qdoba when I saw a young lady wearing a coat which prominently featured the number 13 on the back and sleeve. I thought to myself, "Hmm...what could possibly cause someone to put a 13 on their coat? NASCAR fan? Wilt Chamberlain fan (or offspring)?"

It then occurred to me that it was a letter jacket and she was graduating in 2013. How in the crap are kids graduating in 2013 now? I'm pretty sure '13 will never mean 2013 to me. I will always think of men with handlebar mustaches riding bikes with giant front wheels whilst smoking pipes when I think of '13 (although a brief search on Google suggests that perhaps I'm off by 30 years, but hey, it's my memory...don't mess with it.)

In other Hawkins family news, we finally got our new PC at home, which has resulted in endless tinkering by yours truly in an effort to get it working properly. I used to enjoy the geek thrill of setting up and playing with a new PC. Now I just find it to be a time sink away from the real things which interest me in life, namely sleep and booze.

I think I've finally got everything up and running again, but I'm still finding my way around Windows 7. I find myself frequently saying nonsensical things like "Dagnabbit" and "Doh!" and "Screw you Microsoft."

But in between these things, I have discovered some cool new stuff. One is the ability to "throw" movies from my computer to the network enabled TV in our bedroom. This is much cooler and easier to setup than I expected.

I've seen ads on TV for this, and you can read about it here on Microsoft's site. And while the quality isn't quite what I would want to watch a full movie over, it works great for showing the kids a quick episode of Bob the Builder whilst trying to shave. (Nothing quite kills a good shave like a small Chinese person clawing at you to pick her up.)

Hopefully I'm done tinkering for a while, and I can go back to the way I spent my evenings at the beginning of January when our old computer died -- lying on the couch watching Tivo while my kids try and start a fire in the kitchen.

Getting Back to Normal

We've been sick, computer-less, and trapped by snow, and despite the fact that it's still snowing, we're healthy (for the most part) and have a new computer (for the most part).

So, since we've had so few pictures (thanks to an absent computer), here is out last month in pictures.

I'll update soon with new info about Grace (her crazy half-Mandarin talking skills) and Grant "I've hit the terrible twos a little late" when I have a chance.

Why does my Mommy insist upon dressing me up to look like a dork?
Cute V-day smiles

Playing "knights" with their "helmets" (aka valentine gift boxes)
I die for those pigtails.
Grant "helping" me in the snow.

She wants to be just like Grant. We're raising a tomboy (thank goodness!).
Watching Sesame Street... finally friends!
Grace now says "cheese" when you take her picture, but you get this strange smile with it.
This is normal. Grant is so happy to be with Grace; Grace=the jury is still out. But, look at those cute pink converse my Mom get Grace for Christmas.
We're unofficially potty training. More on that later! The real stuff begins in March. She's already such a trooper; it should be easy (did I just say that out loud?).
Birthday boy turns 3!
"Mommy, hurry up with that toast!"

Happy (almost) Birthday, Erin!

Well here we are on the edge of Valentine's Day 2010 -- and Erin's birthday.  There's plenty of evidence within these pages that I'm not always the most stellar husband to Erin, although I (mostly) try.  Despite my efforts, occasionally Erin rolls over in the morning and mutters (audibly), "Oh great.  You're still here."

Despite all of our joking, it is true that I do manage to drop the ball sometimes.  The problem is that Erin does such a great job of keeping our lives in order that I sometimes think to myself, "She obviously has it all together.  Why does she need my confirmation?"  In other words, I forget that despite her strong willed "I ain't no Disney princess" exterior, she still has insecurities and needs me to tell her how great a job she's doing (if for no other reason than I want her to KEEP doing such a great job so that I never have to change a diaper or make my own lunch.)

So with all that, I just want to tell Erin how great a job she does as both a mother and wife.  I could never have imagined when we got married almost eight years ago how great she would be with our kids.  She truly does everything possible for them, including telling them when it would be in their best interest to ignore what their father tells them.  We have a beautiful family, and I'm amazed on a daily basis at how much our kids learn from their mom.

And let's be honest -- as good a job as Erin does at keeping the kids in check, she does an even better job dealing with me.  I know I'm not always the easiest person to live with.  In addition to being generally obnoxious and hard to deal with, my 34 year old body is in the shape of a 94 year old body; pieces are locking up or falling off all the time.  I can't get out of a chair without groaning, and my right arm can predict thunderstorms.  So Erin not only gets to deal with kid issues, she also gets to deal with someone who's elderly and grouchy before his time.  Despite this, she always puts the rest of us before herself, and she genuinely attempts to keep everyone happy.

So we're headed off for a date night this weekend.  We're leaving the kids with the grandparents, and we plan to party until the sun comes up (assuming it decides to come up at around 9pm).  I wouldn't want to spend the evening, or the rest of my life, with anyone else.  I love you, hon, even if I don't tell you often enough.

Take That Disney Princesses

Grant's fascination with all things Disney continues, and his love of the Disney princesses is still going strong. Grace received a chair with the Disney princesses on it for Christmas, and Grant steals it all the time to talk to his girls. He tells them about how he loves them and plans on saving them.

But, I don't really like many of those princesses. They are weak, needy, and not at all want for my son (or my daughter). Belle, for example. What does she teach? That you should stay with an emotionally abusive man, trying to see through to his "softer side"? No thanks. Or Jasmine? If your true love happens to be a thief who doesn't work, you shouldn't judge him? If Grace brought home her true love who happened to be an unemployed petty crook, I'm going to have something to say. Or Snow White. That girl is dim. She obviously didn't listen to the "you can't trust everyone" lecture, and that kind of stupidity is--well--stupid.

I do like a few of the "princesses." For example, I think Mulan is pretty wicked (and not just because she is Chinese). She saves her family and the whole country of China. I think it's a shame that she has to pretend to be a dude to do so, but at least, she has a mind and isn't afraid to use it. And even Pochahontas. I think it's a lame movie, but at least she's willing to choose the "not so happily ever after" because she recognizes that she has responsibilities.

What it comes down to is this: I don't like or respect weak women. I want to scream: have a backbone! Stand up! Make a decision!

So, this morning, when two-herniated-backed-gum-surgery-recovering Bret looked out the window to our drive way covered with snow, I took it as an opportunity to show my kids that Mommy ain't no whimp. There were parts of our driveway covered by 16 inches of snow, and so, after I bundled Grant up, I grabbed a shovel, and my son and I went out to labor in the cold.

I want Grant to grow up knowing that women are strong and capable individuals. We're not afraid to get muddy. We're not afraid to work our tails off in the freezing cold. And if he meets a woman who can't or thinks she's too much of a princess to sweat it out, she's not quite the fairy tale he had imagined.

Gummy

I had gum surgery yesterday. 

That's really all you have to say.  You don't have to really give any additional details for people to go, "Yech.  That blows."  All in all, it was a relatively easy procedure.  I was supposed to have a gum graft done, but the periodontist (an excellent doctor from South America...the 2nd South American to do surgery on my gums...) was able to "reposition" the existing tissue with the help of a fork and knife and prevent any further damage that might have been incurred while grafting the tissue from another site.  Delightful, huh?

So while I'm not in pain, this greatly limits my Super Bowl eating and drinking.  The doctor joked that I should go "wine & cheese" instead of "chips & soda," a suggestion I'm more than OK with.  In the mean time, I'm keeping ice on my cheek and waiting for our new computer to arrive (next week...it's in the mail!!)

One other thing I saw today that made me laugh.  I started to leave a comment on a music blog that I read, and as verification that I was "human" and not a spam-bot of some kind, it put this before the "Submit" button:

? = 7 + 4

I had to answer this question to submit my comment.  I realize that the goal here is to make people enter something that only a human would be able to do and not a robot.  But based on my experiences in the past few years, I'm guessing this eliminates more than a few stupid comments as well.

Disappointment

I have caught my kids' vomit in my bare hands so many times now that it doesn't even phase me.

Like today, when we were standing in the lobby of the world famous Indianapolis Children's Museum after hours of talking about how fun it would be (needless to say, Grant was a bit excited), and Grant threw up. Again. Again. Again.

He hasn't been out in weeks (some kind of bronchitis crap), so he ran circles upon circles just to get to the lobby, so you can imagine the mess I had on my hands (no pun intended) when he discovered that his vomit party was going to lead to us getting right back in the van and heading home.

He was manic, naked in his carseat, and--perhaps for the first time in his life--experiencing true disappointment.

I smelled like vomit, which anymore, is all in a day's work.

Side Effects

One of the side effects of Erin's current trend toward "deal-based consumerism" is that we never have the same brand of any given product twice.  In general, this doesn't bother me at all.  In fact, it's sort of exciting in a "I'm middle-aged with two kids and a house covered in siding" kind of way to wake up and use Crest one morning and Aquafresh the next.  It keeps things spicy.

There is one area where I find this troubling -- toilet paper.

I know, I know...not another bathroom blog.  But next to sleep (and only slightly ahead of my job), the bathroom is where I spend most of my day.  And let's be honest -- everyone desires consistency in the bathroom.  It's why old people eat cereal made from packing material and young people refuse to do the "big job" in strange places.  We all long for consistency.

The problem with Erin's shopping is not that we end up with different brands of toilet paper.  I couldn't care less if I'm using Charmin or White Cloud.  (My only request is that our toilet paper not be made from "recycled" materials.  I'm all for saving the earth, but I'm more in tune currently with saving my a**.  The earth doesn't make riding a stationary bike at the gym uncomfortable.  Find me some fluffy recycled materials, and I'm game.)

The problem lies in that we end up with different thickness and ply in our various bathrooms.  As each roll in each bathroom runs out, a new roll, a new brand, and a new thickness goes in.  This leaves too much room for error.  I frequently find myself zinging off enough TP to make my arm look like an oversized Q-tip, only to discover that in THIS bathroom on THIS particular day, we're using some sort of 8-ply product with super fuzzy softness, leaving me with enough paper for 10 trips (and too much to, uh, fit for just this one trip).

Even worse is the converse.  I pull off a couple of sheets, fold them over gently, and quickly discover that I'm doing a home cancer screening of some sort because we're using a single ply paper meant only for RVs and stadiums.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, this seems small.  But you can't deny that there are few worse ways to start your day than a) plugging up your bathroom toilet with 5 pounds of Ultra Charmin or b) making first contact with yourself in an undesirable way.

Any One Want In..

I want to buy a quarter of a grass fed cow. Any one want to split it with me?

Not joking.

Updates

Again, sorry it's been so slow here the past couple of weeks.  We are STILL waiting on our new home PC to arrive.  It's due to arrive the first week of February, so hopefully we'll get back to more regularly posting then.

The other big thing going on with us right now is that our kids are, again, sick.  It started last week with Grace, and now Grant has it.  Colds, fevers, runny noses, coughing all night.  It's making all of us extremely tired, although right now Erin and Grant are in the worst shape.  Never before have I been so ready for winter to end.  Poor little Grace's face has been chapped since October, and we're on at least our third major round of illnesses for the winter.

I hope everyone is doing well, and we look forward to getting back to more interesting posts in a couple of weeks!!

Nemesis

A new antagonist has made its way into our house.  It's an air freshener.  It's one of those new fangled air fresheners that only goes off when someone enters its line of sight  or when it hasn't gone off in a while.  I do not like this thing.

First off, it makes a really fearsome hissing noise when it goes off.  Phhhtthfffft.  Followed by what sounds like some gears grinding.  It's very disconcerting.

The air freshener is currently placed in the bathroom within our bedroom.  I will not comment on why Erin chose to place it there.  Perhaps she has a problem of some sort that she needs to disclose.  In any case, I frequently forget that that air freshener is in there, and as I enter, I get the "Phhthhhtffftt" as it decides to emit its fragrant spray.  I feel like it's judging me.

And finally, when I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I have learned that the air freshener will not go off in the dark.  This pleases me.  At least I can have some peace in the middle of the night. 

Unfortunately last night I needed to take some medicine, so I flipped on the light, only to immediately receive a blast of fragrance, the sound of which scared me into needing to also use the toilet.  The thing is right at eye level, so you literally feel as though you've been fragrantly maced in your nighttime stupor.  Not cool, I say.  Not cool.

Go Colts!

Dear Troy and Riley,

Tomorrow, when the Colts v. Jets AFC championship game is a few minutes from starting and the cameras are panning the frenzied Lucas Oil Stadium crowd, as they pass over Section 409, Erin and I will make sure to give you guys a hearty wave.

I'll even eat an extra hotdog for ya...  :-)

Bret

Gee, it's awfully quiet in here...

...and that would mostly be because our home PC died a painful death last week.

Erin mentioned to me casually one morning last week that our computer wouldn't come out of Standby mode.  I went over and took a look at it, and when I reached down to push the Power button myself, I got a nice big static shock.  So whatever was left of the PC probably went kaput when I zapped it.  In any case, we were able to recover all of the data, and now we're just waiting for our shiny new PC to arrive.

We promise we'll get back to our zany posts ASAP, but in the mean time, here are a few pics from Grant's 3rd birthday party, courtesy of my cousin's husband Paul. You can checkout his website here!

(And you can always keep reading Erin's new blog -- Get Real Family until we get back up to speed).

Vegas Finale

You know, I'm a pretty safe guy to be around, especially when compared to some of the other individuals who inhabit Sin City during any given week.  But my last full day in Vegas proved that things can go wrong, and you can still land in hot water through sheer ignorance.

Things started off well enough.  At the end of the show, most of our boxes arrived from storage early, so we were able to pack up most of our gear for the convention before the end of the evening.  This meant that in theory, we would have little to do the next morning, outside of packing up a few last things and turning it all over to the shipper.

As the show had reached its close on Sunday, people had started inquiring about purchasing some of the TVs we had on display.  We made some inquiries and got the needed paperwork, so we told a few people to return the next morning, and we'd make them a deal.  It was a win-win.  We didn't have to ship the stuff back, and they got a good deal.

So on Monday, one of the bikini models from the show arrived bright eyed and barely clothed to pickup TVs with a couple of girlfriends.  While she waited for her ride to arrive, several other guys, primarily union guys working the show, came by to discuss making purchases.  Since some of them had helped us get our boxes out of storage quickly on Sunday night, we had no problems making them a good deal.

Eventually we had sold most of the product, but it was still sitting around waiting to be picked up.  The bikini girl waited a couple of hours before her ride arrived, and she was able to use her feminine wiles to get a guy to haul her stuff out on a forklift.  (The shirt she was wearing gave him a view to next Christmas, so I doubt it was a tough sell.)

Another lady called and said she'd be by in a few minutes with a truck to get her stuff.  It was shortly after this that a policeman walked into our booth and yelled, "Which one of you is Bret Hawkins?"

I looked over at my boss, and I could see him thinking, "Nice work.  After you left us last night, what did you do?  Cheat somebody?  Get in a fight?  Snort coke off a hooker's back?"  As he finished this thought (and while I was busy trying to keep from filling my shorts) the cop called his name also.  The officer's next question was, "Which of you is in charge?" at which point I began bowing and stepping away backwards from my boss.

During the discussion, a small crowd of other officials began to gather.  Some were officials from the show, some were security guards, others were policemen. I marveled at the various modes of transportation -- some had walked, others were on bikes, one was on a Segway.

Eventually, we were informed that there had been some issues with our sale.  Apparently you can't do what we did, per convention rules.  We also got a lengthy lesson regarding sales taxes and business licenses.  Who knew?  Apparently people who work at the show can get into trouble for buying stuff, so hopefully we didn't get anyone in trouble with our attempted good deed.  (In our defense, we saw a lot of stuff being sold toward the end of the show, so we thought it was fine.)

As it turns out, as the original group of girls exited the convention center, the guards took note of my name on their bill.  Soon after, another individual parked their pickup in the loading dock, blocking semis taking equipment out of the show, resulting in a complaint being filed.  What a mess.

The police took some names and info from us (which I'm sure will somehow inhibit my ability to get a passport in the future) and informed us that where possible, we needed to refund the cash.  (They were probably laughing at the idiot Midwesterners who found the one way to get in trouble in Vegas.)

This was fine with me, except that it meant that I now had to locate all these union guys to give them their money and explain the situation.  This only took a few hours which I could have spent enjoying lunch on my last day in Vegas, but alas.

A little while after we left, glad for the ordeal to be over, my boss got a text on his cell phone from one of the ladies, asking if we could get a TV out of the convention center and then meet her on the street to sell it.  We figured this was probably some kind of sting, and Chris Hansen from Dateline would pop out asking us if we knew who he was.  No way.

The story might have been better if we'd actually landed in jail, but the whole thing was painful enough as it was.  I can't afford a conviction right now...I need to be able to get a job in the future.  It's just unfortunate the several angry union guys from Vegas are now staring at my business card...waiting...

Look Who is Three or What the HECK?

I can hardly believe that our sweet and funny little boy is three years old today. I know everyone says it, but it does seem like just yesterday that we were bundling him up to bring him home from the hospital.

Grant has brought such joy to our lives. We love how hilarious he is, how big a heart he has, how he can play with such boy energy. He is our beloved son. We are thankful to his birthmom for the gift of Grant, and we are thankful to God who is the greatest giver of gifts.

We'll have pictures from Grant's superhero party (which is Saturday) later in the week. Grant's favorite part of every birthday has been when all eyes turn on him to sing "Happy Birthday"; we'll see if the presents outweigh the song this year.

From 2007

From 2008

From 2009

Would you like some WHINE with that...

Now, I know what it is to miss family. I know what it is to work long days without any love from the boss man. I know what it is to be in limbo about future plans.

BUT, don't feel too sorry for Bret; after all, he's in Las Vegas on the company dime. He's staying at a nice hotel without having to ask for a pack-n-play. He's eating really, really nice meals, ones without sippy cups, dropped forks, or cold food because you've spent the first fifteen minutes cutting up food into manageable bites.

I'm eating chicken noodle soup out of can. On a good night. This morning, I woke up to Grace covered down (no joke... moms do not joke about such things) to her socks in poop. I have changed THREE outfits this morning because of poop.

So, if you're starting to feel a little sorry for homesick Bret, let's remember little old me here with two runny-nosed toddlers and a house covered in marshmallows (thank you, Papaw and Mamaw for getting Grant a marshmallow gun for Christmas) and load upon load of poopy laundry.

So, honey, we can't wait for you to come home. You better take all the uninterrupted nights on high thread count sheets and glasses of free wine you can get... because when you get home, I need a break--at the very least, I want to go the bathroom by myself.

Halfway there...

 

So this is how things turned out for our booth at CES.  It was fairly amazing to see the transformation after seeing how it looked at the beginning of the week.  Other people with more CES experience tell me that it always seems like a miracle has to occur for the displays to turn out so well, but they also agreed that this year's miracle seemed particularly mind boggling.

Despite the booth looking good, it's been a hard week out here.  As always, I miss my family, and there's been a lot of "job stuff" (for lack of a better term) swirling around that has made the week particularly trying.  It's been difficult to even be interested in what's going on with the rest of the show, partly because I'm exhausted.  I'm eating lots of great food and seeing some cool stuff, but none of it is having much of an impact on me.

So with that, I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight and regain some energy for the rest of the show.  Perhaps if I write an entry tomorrow, I'll be feeling a little more positive.  Tonight I feeling like I'm just trying to get by...albeit with a good steak from Les Artistes aiding the process.... 

Ready To Roll

Tomorrow is the opening of CES in Las Vegas, and I couldn't be happier to actually get the show rolling.  We've had a relatively miserable couple of days trying to get our booth together, but things are looking good now, and I'm ready to go.  The above picture is the "before" shot.  I'll send the "after" later this week...

In celebration of keeping the local union guys from killing any of my Chinese colleagues ("Get off that ****in' ladder right now, or we will kick you out of this show!!!!") our team had an amazing dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Postrio.  I had, I kid you not, spaghetti and meatballs, but it was pretty amazing.  Plus I ended the meal with some amazing Bananas Foster.  It was a very nice conclusion to a rotten couple of days.

Here's a shot of the crew hoisting one of our logos overhead. The ability to maneuver these gigantic arms without destroying everything in sight is an amazing skill. (The operator, in this particular case, possessed both this amazing skill as well as approximately 20 piercings in his face. Both features were truly amazing.)

And finally, you love it when your sign unintentionally obstructs a major competitor: