I'm a certifiable Rainman...

So Monday I took a half day off at work to deal with getting some of our paperwork shipped off to various Chinese Consulates of America, as well as getting the paperwork "certified" by the Indiana Secretary of State. So what does a Secretary of State really do? Well apparently they themselves don't do any "certifying." But I'll get to that later.

First off, it was about 3 degrees in Indiana on Tuesday. I had to park at a meter, so I put in enough change for about 25 minutes and headed into the Indiana Government Center. I didn't think this trip would be difficult or long... For one thing, Indiana is the only state in the Union which doesn't charge to "certify" things. What a deal, right? I had called ahead and was told they were open from 9-5:30pm Monday through Friday. In and out. No sweat.

My first nemesis -- the signs leading me to the Secretary of State's office. I walked down a long hallway with a huge sign over it pointing to the Secretary's office down a hall to the right. I followed this hall all the way to a set of doors which led back outside -- never saw the Secretary's office. Turned around. Followed same path. Turned down same hallway. Hit same doors. Yeah, doors. 57 steps to the doors. 57 steps. Don't want to miss the office. 57 steps then doors. 5 plus 7 is 12. 7 days in a week. Five doors. Can't find the door. Yeah. Wapner at 4:30. Can't miss Wapner. Back and forth.

Anyway, on a whim, I decided that the one thing I had walked past in my pacing was an elevator. I jumped in, but still no directions. Headed for the basement. Lucky break. There was the office. Would it be so hard to put a sign next to the elevator stating such? I have a strange feeling that footage exists of my walking back and forth mumbling to myself with a pile of birth certificates and medical records in my hands. 4:30... Wapner at 4:30. Yeah.

Now that I was in the office, I thought I was set. There was one person at the counter, and one other lady waiting. They informed me that I was next up. I went up and said, "I have 9 documents that need to be certified."

"Oh yes, Shirley does the certifying."

"And I'm to presume that your name ain't Shirley?"

"No, I'm Sue. Shirley's gone."

"When will she be back?"

"Dunno...She went to lunch."

"But it's after 2:00pm?"

"Yeah, Shirley is a busy bee."

"Is there someone else in the office who can help me?"

"Oh no, Shirley is the only certifier."

"Really."

"Yep...The only one."

"And you don't know when she'll be back?"

"Nope. Probably in an hour."

" Ok. I need to go put more money in the meter."

"But you'll lose your place in line?"

"But I'm the last one who got here?"

So I went back out into the snow to put 2 hours worth of change in the meter. Better safe than sorry. When I went back into the building (quickly heading to the elevator this time) and walked back into the office, the other lady who was waiting ahead of me was handing a large stack of paperwork (including birth certificates I could see) to a nice, younger lady.

"Oh great! Shirley came back early? (tee hee)"

"Oh no, (this is Sue again) that's not Shirley. That's Denise."

"Ah...So she's not getting certifications done?"

"No, she is. Denise is doing them for her."

I really thought I was losing my mind.

"But you said only Shirley?"

"...And Denise!"

Fine. About that time the REAL Shirley reappeared from lunch and immediately took my stack of documents. After that, it was smooth sailing. I headed for the Post Office, and about $600 later, including Consulate Fees and mailing costs, I was headed for home. I thanked Shirley (and Sue) and headed out...leaving in my wake 2 lovely state employees and a meter with 1 hr, 45 minutes left on it.

You know, I'm sure my experience at the Indiana Secretary of State was a cakewalk compared to other more, er, populous states. But these little experiences definitely leave me wondering if our beloved state is a little, you know, slow.