Faces of Bret

I've been working with the majority of my co-workers for approximately ten years now. In those ten years, we've gotten to know each other pretty well, and along with that, we've learned how to push each other's buttons pretty effectively. I remember about six years ago, we sat on a floor with another department of guys who had known each other for ages, probably twenty years or more, and we used to say, "We'll never be like those guys." You could frequently hear them belch, hollar at each other, and occasionally electrocute one another, all in good fun. (Engineers have a weird sense of humor that frequently involves watching their fellow man get injured.) That team has since dissolved and moved on to the Happy Electrical Engineering Lab in the Sky, while the predictions about our own group have proven false. It's a rare day now that someone doesn't pass gas in my cubical or try to hand me a live wire, so I guess I understand that other team a little better now.

Recently my coworkers have decided that I look like any number of celebrities. I have been telling them this for years now, but it took them this long to decide. Unfortunately they're not telling me I look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney (both of which, I'm told, are pleasing to the eye of the ladies.) Instead they've decided I look like any number of B-list actors (and occasionally actresses) to which I bare little resemblance. First, it was Sam the Eagle from "The Muppet Show."

Next it was Anthony Clark, the host of this season's "Last Comic Standing", and lead actor on "Yes, Dear" (has anyone ever really been a fan of this show? How does a show stay on the air for so many years with two people watching?)

And occasionally it's been Topher Grace from "That 70's Show" (although my wife recently informed me that she had an acquaintence who looks like Topher Grace who's "easily an 8 or 9." When I asked what I was, she replied "maybe a 6 or 7." Since then, she's been "maybe a 2.")

Somehow an image from one of my security badges made it onto the hard drives of my co-workers a few years back, and my likeness was placed in any number of situations including --

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (never get a zit on your nose around these losers)

Some poor hillbilly talking to the president

The Six Million Dollar Man (my dollar amount was reduced, as you can see)

And most disturbingly, on some set of nameless twins.

It'll be hard when this team gets broken up like those poor guys from a few years ago, but at least I'll have all of this documented evidence of the abuse I took. I can't even buy shoes. I bought the following pair of shoes and wore them to work this week.

I heard "When are you going bowling, Hawkins?" from about ten different people. Erin tells me not to be bothered when taking fashion insults from other engineers, and she's right. I have witnessed black socks with plaid shorts on more than one occasion in here, so my new shoes have nothing to fear.

Feel free to leave a comment on this topic, including your vote for who I look most like. I think my coworkers have taken bets on the results...