Bret and fashion and fatherhood

Let me start off by saying that Bret is an amazing father; he is loving, patient, full of good humor, wise, and wonderfully affectionate.

However, it is not to say that Bret isn't without some weaknesses, and the majority of his weaknesses, which he admits, center around the "everyday" tasks for Grant. A few examples.

Example 1: What's a blanket?
The other day, I went into work for a few hours (I am the junior class moderator which means that I'm in charge of prom, and prom waits for no baby). On Bret's way to work, he drove Grant to my school just as I was ready to leave (the great parking lot baby switch). Before leaving, Bret called, and I told him, "be sure to wrap the baby in blankets" (seeing how it was 7 degrees outside). When Bret and Grant arrived, I checked on the little guy in the back seat only to discover that he was wrapped in towels. TOWELS. Now, Grant does have designer (read: garage sale purchased) baby towels, but still. There was the little guy wrapped in mounds of terry cloth. Daddy said, "it worked."

Example 2: How do I put this on?
Bret, despite the advice that I have given him, has his own special way of putting on and taking off Grant's clothes. First of all, let's start with taking off. Imagine a child in a onesie: snaps at the bottom, neck and arm holes at the top. It makes sense to me that one would undo the snaps and, moving upwards, remove the arms before lifting the garmet up and over the head. Not Bret. Bret starts by removing the arms and pulling the onesie's neck over the belly of the baby. Now, our baby Grant has a large belly (already weighing in at over 10 lbs), and Bret's top down method stretches out the neck of the garmet as he tries to pull and tug it over our dear child's ribcage. Now, because of the necks beging stretched, all of Grant's clothes now have a special "off the shoulder" quality to them.

But that's not nearly as bad as Bret putting clothes on Grant. Now women who wear nylons or tights understand that you start by sruching up the length of the leg into a managable bit, and I treat Grant's onesie the same way. I take the entire onesie, ball it up around the neck, and, in one deft motion, pop the whole garmet over his head. Bret, however, INSISTS on pulling the onesie over Grant's head without srunching the onesie . What does this mean? It means that Grant has to endure his face riding the inside of the onesie for a long time. I have a few pictures to try to help explain.

Here is Grant happy after eating. Please notice the naked boy; he obviously spit up all over whatever he was wearing. The smile suggests that Grant hasn't wised up to the Daddy fashion torture that is about to ensue.














Then the torture begins. First the snaps over the face. Then the body over the face, and then finally... maybe... a vent hole we call the neck. Grant comes up practically gasping for air.















Still after several minutes, Daddy does not have the onesie even over the head. Grant is trying to be patient, but you know he is thinking, "Man, it ain't that hard."

Still, mission not accomplished, but Grant is resigned.

All in all, Bret is the world's best Daddy. His love and affection and care of Grant make me love Bret in new ways. It is so endearing. Maybe Grant will even grow to find Daddy's fashion sense (read: or lack there of) endearing as well. As for now, it's off to Walmart to buy some more onesies; I can't have my kid flashing those delts this early in his career.