More Specimen Talk

So if you'll recall, not so many weeks ago, I was accosted at work by a young woman wishing to take samples of my bodily fluids. As it turns out, apparently the Body Fluid Collectors of America aren't all on the same computer network. For yet again today, for yet another purpose, I was required to meet with another of these lovely individuals.

Erin setup the appointment this time around, choosing the 11am meeting time at my request. This is perfectly placed to be too early for me to go to work before, and too late for me to return to work afterwards. (For those in the know, my job is less than enthralling at this point. I mostly wait for smart people to say stupid things to spark my blogitivity. And occasionally I fill out a time card.)

The woman arrived this morning right on time, and her first question was "When did you last eat?" I had just polished off about four enchiladas from last evening's dinner. I could tell as I replied that she could still catch a hint of the molè sauce on my breath, but it was the fact that she had apparently requested that we not eat for 12 hours prior to her arrival that really burned her biscuits. I gave Erin my "you've fouled this up" stare (which is usually responded to with the equally poignant "I don't give a rip" stare).

After drawing my blood, which no doubt will set off an alarm during the cholesterol screening ("This man's bad cholesterol was 350. It's like an enchilada was injected into his bloodstream"), the woman whipped out a small plastic cup. I immediately knew what this was about, having been through the experience a couple of weeks ago. Erin had also neglected to mention that this would be part of the screening, so as I walked in the door a few minutes prior to the appointment, I unloaded approximately a half gallon of coffee.

I mentioned to the lady that this could be a problem. "Oh, you only have to fill it up to here" was her response, which just served to make it more embarrasing if I was unable to fulfill the request. I let her ask Erin a long series of questions while I drank approximately two gallons of water. When it finally came time for me to step up to the plate, I barely made it "up to here." But let me tell you, about an hour later, I dang near burst. It was ridiculous.

In any case, hopefully the tests will turn out ok. After all of the adoptions and tests for various causes, my veins are starting to look like a soaker hose.