Death by Doughnut

This morning I had to have my blood drawn for my yearly cholesterol checkup. It has been noted that when I bleed on something, it leaves a film like the inside of a Little Debbie wrapper, so I suppose a yearly checkup is necessary, but no more enjoyable none the less.

The worst part of having this test done is that it requires a 12 hour fast prior to my blood being drawn. For many people, 12 hours doesn't seem like a big deal. You stop eating at 9pm the night prior, and you have a late breakfast the next morning. For me, I'm dragging my cereal bowl around the house like a dog. I don't even handle the concept of Biblical fasting well, choosing to sleep or to think about what I'll be having for lunch during these sermons.

But I fasted like a good vascular disease patient and the blood draw was uneventful. As I returned to work, I did what any good cholesterol sufferer does and dropped by McDonalds for an Egg McAngioplasty. The drive-up line was backed up into the street (this IS Indiana, you'll recall), so I bagged it and headed for work.

After dropping my laptop off and grunting unenthusiastically at my fellow engineers, I headed for the vending machines. (We were pushing 10am by this point. It was dire.) Fearing pure chocolate might make me shaky, I looked to the bottom of the vending machines...you know, where they put the larger items like apple pies and bear claws.

The one item of any interest that remained was a single donut. It was nothing special. Just a plain old glazed donut. (Actually, I couldn't really see the donut very well, as the clear wrapper had been rendered somewhat non-translucent by whatever the donut was excreting.) I plunked in my $0.95 and out popped my round little friend.

As I began unwrapping the donut and heading for my cell, I happened to catch the "nutritional" information on the wrapper. I expected a 300 calorie, 20 grams of fat sort of hit on my heart, but what I saw left me speechless, cold, and with my left arm all a tingle.

58 grams of fat. 980 calories. I do not lie.

Now I thought for a moment about ignoring this bit of information, and downing the donut like a good Survivor contestant. I was really freaking hungry. But as I got to my desk, I saw the picture from my wedding day. I saw Grant's smiling face on my desktop. I have so much to live for! Knowing that there was little else to eat before lunch, I threw the stupid donut in my trash can. I looked at it for a second, then I threw a couple of used tissues and something off the bottom of my shoe on top of it, just to keep me from going after it later.

Erin asked me tonight why I didn't leave it at the vending machine for someone else. I told her that I couldn't deal with the blood on my hands if someone else ate that thing. It's pretty sad when a better nutritional option is a Big Mac at 10am.