Holiday Grouch

I've been grouchy the past couple of weeks. Not "I'm 'a drive this car into a tree" grouchy, more of a "Who left their shoes on the stairs for me to trip on...again" kind of grouchy. I've been advised by my wife that perhaps writing an analytical blog about the situation, trying to figure out the reason for my grumpiness, might relieve some of the tension, so here goes.

1. Perhaps I'm still bummed about the passing of my grandfather. Thanksgiving just didn't seem quite right without my granddad attempting to put sunflower seeds and ketchup on his dessert or providing an inappropriately graphic analysis of someone's medical condition over cranberry sauce.

2. The diet. Erin and I are both trying to lose weight at the moment. Who goes on a diet two weeks before Thanksgiving? Are we really that stupid? If I eat another cereal with the words "flax", "fiber" or "digestinal health" on the box, I'm going to lose it. I'd rather be locked up than eat another cereal that tastes like the box it arrived in.

3. Stupid cable. I'm pretty sure my grouchiness started when Erin made me get rid of cable. All I want to do is watch an occasional basketball game, but now I spend my nights watching Jeopardy "as a family" and then retiring with a nice episode of Nova. Last night I watched a bunch of dudes in loin cloths collect ants to eat the termites that were eating their village. This was followed by ANOTHER episode of Antiques Roadshow and an episode of Europe Through the Back Door featuring San Marino. (You're part of Italy! Get over it!) I need a Twinkie and some Comedy Central. Now.

4. Our microwave. The other day I turned on the microwave and it growled angrily at me. I proceeded to take the cover off and poke around (similarly to the way the tribesman poked at the termites on PBS last night). Probably two minutes before electrocuting or radiating myself, I gave up. The noises were coming from a little motor in the top of the microwave. A quick search on the Internet revealed that this little motor costs $150. A new microwave is in the same ballpark, so forget fixing it. So now I'm replacing five year old appliances that have little value in life except to heat my oatmeal and make popcorn. Grr.

5. Last night Erin and I got out of our van and I noticed something shiny in the tire. Nothing shiny should ever be near the tires. There was a nice big nail sticking out of the tire. Now I have to deal with that tomorrow morning. It doesn't matter if there are 2 people or 50, it always takes an hour and a half to get out of the tire store. Always. And the coffee there tastes like it was filtered through someone's underpants.

6. Erin cleaned the toilet last night and it ran continuously afterward. I got the old "I didn't do anything to it" which apparently is a mantra taught to wives the world over prior to marriage. I guess I have to believe her, since it was fixed by a $1.50 seal. My Chinese workmates would chortle and say that's why we should just go in a hole in the ground. Perhaps they're right. Although I suspect my shoes feel differently.

So there you have it. I'm annoyed. I'm anxious. I like everything to be in working order, but it seems life never deals you that hand, so I need to get over it.

Happy Holidays. Blagh.