Side Effects

One of the side effects of Erin's current trend toward "deal-based consumerism" is that we never have the same brand of any given product twice.  In general, this doesn't bother me at all.  In fact, it's sort of exciting in a "I'm middle-aged with two kids and a house covered in siding" kind of way to wake up and use Crest one morning and Aquafresh the next.  It keeps things spicy.

There is one area where I find this troubling -- toilet paper.

I know, I know...not another bathroom blog.  But next to sleep (and only slightly ahead of my job), the bathroom is where I spend most of my day.  And let's be honest -- everyone desires consistency in the bathroom.  It's why old people eat cereal made from packing material and young people refuse to do the "big job" in strange places.  We all long for consistency.

The problem with Erin's shopping is not that we end up with different brands of toilet paper.  I couldn't care less if I'm using Charmin or White Cloud.  (My only request is that our toilet paper not be made from "recycled" materials.  I'm all for saving the earth, but I'm more in tune currently with saving my a**.  The earth doesn't make riding a stationary bike at the gym uncomfortable.  Find me some fluffy recycled materials, and I'm game.)

The problem lies in that we end up with different thickness and ply in our various bathrooms.  As each roll in each bathroom runs out, a new roll, a new brand, and a new thickness goes in.  This leaves too much room for error.  I frequently find myself zinging off enough TP to make my arm look like an oversized Q-tip, only to discover that in THIS bathroom on THIS particular day, we're using some sort of 8-ply product with super fuzzy softness, leaving me with enough paper for 10 trips (and too much to, uh, fit for just this one trip).

Even worse is the converse.  I pull off a couple of sheets, fold them over gently, and quickly discover that I'm doing a home cancer screening of some sort because we're using a single ply paper meant only for RVs and stadiums.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, this seems small.  But you can't deny that there are few worse ways to start your day than a) plugging up your bathroom toilet with 5 pounds of Ultra Charmin or b) making first contact with yourself in an undesirable way.