Side Of Fries: Cincinnati Getaway

For Christmas, Erin and I received a gift card from BedAndBreakfast.com from Erin’s parents. The goal was to give Erin and me a breather from Grant’s questions and Grace’s diapers, while allowing my in-laws the opportunity to watch the kids.

An unfortunate side effect of my father-in-law’s recent surgery is that we didn’t think it prudent to leave our two crazies with a man who recently received more bypasses than are present within the whole of the U.S. interstate system, therefore we dumped the kids with my parents and headed to Cincinnati for the weekend.

We left Friday after work, and as usual, I had researched several restaurants for dinner along our path to Cincy. I have learned that my best option is to select a variety of places at evenly spaced intervals, so if we get hungry, we are always within striking distance of food. In this case, we made it all the way to Cincy and Maury’s Tiny Cove.

I had wanted to try Maury’s during our last several trips to Cincy, but it had never worked out. The descriptions online made me think it would be my kind of place – good food, whacked atmosphere. This turned out to be mostly true.

Maury’s is covered in wood paneling and features no windows. It sort of gave you the feeling that there could be an Al Capone-style shootout eliminating everything on two legs in the place, and it would take the cops a few days to discover the bodies.

Erin was especially intrigued by the collection of bulls that were featured around the top of the dining room. We learned, mostly through eavesdropping, that Maury’s is on its fourth owner. Apparently the current owner digs the funky interior, which I can understand.

There were crackers, butter, and thick cut pickles on the table prior to our meal. We were disappointed that the crackers were never replaced by bread, so in retaliation, I ate all the Captain’s Wafers and left a pile of Saltine’s in their place.

The menu was the usual for a steakhouse – steaks, burgers, and some random seafood. Erin and I both ordered steaks, which in the end were quite tasty. I was sure that I was doomed though when our salads arrived prior to the steaks. The salads consisted of shredded lettuce, a big no-no in Erin-world. We both ordered the House dressing, which made the salad taste basically like a giant bowl of coleslaw. I was pleasantly surprised when our steaks made up for this egregious error.

After dinner, we made our way to the Six Acres Bed and Breakfast on the old Northside of Cincinnati – an area whose recent tourism campaign "Next Stop: The Morgue" was a dismal failure. We had an extremely difficult time using our gift card from BedAndBreakfast.com, and Six Acres wasn’t actually our first choice, but in the end, it turned out to be a good experience.

The B&B is comprised of two old houses, and the place is run by a delightful woman who provided us with a couple of hours of very interesting conversation on Saturday morning. She also baked us fresh brownies and served a wonderful breakfast, so she could have essentially spit on me by the time we left, and all would have been forgiven.

After our arrival on Friday night, we ventured out to the Sidewinder coffee shop for dessert and a night cap. We returned to the B&B and did what any self respecting couple does in the bedroom at a B&B with no kids around – watched the NCAA tournament.

On Saturday, we ventured out to our favorite place in Cincinnati – IKEA. In reality, we don’t like IKEA THAT much, but we did have some cheap, European furniture needs, so we made a stop. Personally, I enjoy what I am sure are the fake Swedish names given to all of IKEA’s products – a cup called “DRINKENBOTTLE” or a lamp called “STICKOLIGHTEN.”

I also appreciate that IKEA has found a way to make even the most basic piece of furniture require 600 screws to assemble with an Allen wrench the size of your pinkie. Their instructions feature little genderless beings helping each other pick up heavy objects and read the instructions to each other. Nowhere does it show them hurling large pieces of press board into the street in anger or un-assembling and re-assembling the same bookshelf three times until the piece with six holes on the left and four holes on the right is on the INSIDE of the bookshelf. This would make the illustrations far more accurate.

After purchasing a few things that we had not planned to purchase, we made a quick stop at Jungle Jim’s before heading back toward Indianapolis. In an effort to extend our getaway, we made a brief stop at Indiana Downs. Erin assured me that there were at least two machines at Indiana Downs that were guaranteed to pay out. In the end, she was probably correct, only they were guaranteed to pay out to somebody else.

We had a quick dinner, watched the Butler v. Murray St. ballgame and headed to pick up the kids. We both marvel each time we get away at a) how much we miss the kids and b) how easy it is to shop without them. You forget just how many times you say, “Grant, do not touch that” or “Grace, get back over here” or “Honestly sir, I didn’t think she’d actually use it like a real potty” when shopping with kids. All in all, it was a lovely weekend getaway.