Mouth Cuts

You know, there’s really nothing worse than having a cut…in your mouth.  Everything you drink stings for no explicable reason, and if you’re a fan of Sichuan style Chinese food, you might as well have paper cuts between your toes.

Every spoon that our family possesses has little nicks in the metal, all around the eating portion of the utensil,  little burrs protruding all around the portion of the spoon that will soon be positioned against the most tender portions of my lips and mouth.

I pour a nice bowl of cereal, grab a spoon…instant lip cut.  I put a handful of ice cream in a bowl, I take my first bite – a mild abrasion.

For you see, every single, solitary, spoon in our household has spent some portion of its lifetime spinning in the garbage disposal.  For whatever inexplicable reason, nobody else here seems to mind the grinding of gears and shearing of metal created by turning on the disposal with a spoon lodged deep in its bowels.

Occasionally I’ll even say, “Gee, how can you see if there’s something stuck in the disposal when there’s so much stuff piled in the sink,” but my warning goes unheeded.  Instead, I’m made to continue living with small cuts on my lips -- a constant reminder that a) I’m the only person in this place that cares about our flatware and b) I really need to lay off the Tabasco.