Adoption

This week, we learned that friends of ours were in the middle of a terribly painful adoption experience. These experiences are rare, but they are often what people who are unfamiliar with adoption think of as the norm. Our hearts were extremely heavy for our friends all week long.

And, their experience got me to thinking of our two adoptions. I thought of seeing Grant for the first time in the hospital, a baby who was about an hour old. And, I thought of Grace, so scared and so skinny. I'm so thankful that their adoptions were so easy.

But, while the processes that brought us Grant and Grace were easy, it doesn't mean that raising adopted children is always smooth. There are hard discussions to be had, hard realities to face. Just this week, Grace said, "I miss my birthmom." Grace has no concept of what a "birthmom" is, but Grant does, and he says this phrase often. We have daily conversations about Grant's birth family, and he talks frequently about missing them. I know that most of the reason that Grant misses his birthmom is because he loves playing with his birth sisters and loves the gifts he gets. But, I can't also shove under the rug the reality that Grant, as much as his three-year-old self is capable of understanding, is processing his own adoption. We often hear things like "I want to be adopted again," or "why is adoption forever?" Many people think that having contact with Grant's birthmom must be tricky or hard, but it is the opposite. It is the best thing for her, the best thing for us, and most certainly, the best thing for Grant. I just finished watching a very interesting documentary called Off and Running, a story of an African American teen who tries to find her identity after being adopted and growing up in a trans-racial home. I was so thankful after watching the film that Grant has access to a loving and a smart birthmom who is ready and is willing to walk him through all the questions he will have.

And, that is why Grace's comment about her birthmom killed me. I know she was just parroting Grant, but in that moment, my heart sank. Grace will never know her birth parents. She will have no access to the nagging questions of her heart. She does have 70,000 plus other kids who have been adopted from China who are in the same boat, but when her heart aches to know the answers, I have very few to give her.

But, what I do know is that both Grant and Grace's birth mothers loved them very much, were very brave, and were able to make the hardest, most selfless decision imaginable. And, what I know is that I am thankful.