It Just Wasn't the Plan

Adoption is a heart wrenching experience, no matter the outcome. In the best cases, you love a child who isn't biologically your own in the exact same way that you'd love a biological child. In the worst cases, things don't turn out as planned, and you run the risk of getting your heart broken in the end.

Today was the day when all of Nadia's paperwork was to be signed, finalizing our adoption of this beautiful little girl. But it just wasn't in God's plan for our family.

We've had a rough couple of days. There have been questions about whether the paperwork was going to get signed, and just about the time we thought we had gotten through all of the hurdles, doubt was again introduced. At the end of the day, our birth mom changed her mind, and Nadia went home with her.

We knew going into this adoption that like most, there were risks. The risks in this case were somewhat higher, but Erin and I made the decisions the best way we knew how with the knowledge that we possessed. We prayed about things. We talked with Grant and Grace about the potential outcomes the best way we knew how. We wouldn't do anything differently.

In the end, we know that God has a plan for our family, and that eventually we'll have the baby that He wants us to have. But right now, it's hard. Really, really hard. Erin and I are numb. You never expect things to go this way. But even in the few hours since we felt like our worlds fell apart right in front of us, we've reaffirmed that we both believe in God, we both believe in each other, and we will get through this.

It does make for a rough Father's Day though. I'm sure this miserable day will eventually be a hazy, still a little teary, memory. But for now, we'd simply appreciate it if you'd pray for us and our kids. Thanks, and we love you guys...