Hair Cut

As part of our "We Dumped All Our Money Into the Septic Tank, Bathroom, and Siding" campaign for 2011, Erin suggested I start getting my hair cut at the local beauty college.

This seems like a healthy cost saving measure when you consider the primary factors -- a) I don't much care how good my haircut is and b) a haircut isn't really going to fix me. So a few weeks ago, I took the plunge and got a very nice haircut from the beauty college.

This morning we made our way, as a family, back to the beauty college so that Grant, Grace, and I could get fresh trims. I plopped into the chair, and almost immediately, it became clear that my lack of concern over my looks had been detected by the young lady who signed us in, and the student who would cut my hair had been chosen accordingly.

First issue. If the person receiving the haircut appears to be gasping due to the tightness of the cape which will be used to collect his hair, you might have it a little tight. Apparently it's easier to cut a sharp neckline if the neck is bulging a quarter inch over the cape. And the patron can only gasp his disapproval.

Second issue. If you have a cold, getting four inches from your customer's face and drawing each breath in nasally over a chorus of damp bubbles is not attractive. Especially if the customer being served fears the common cold like a spoonful of Ebola.

Third issue. Don't stop 15 minutes into the cut, grab the guy at the next stand and say, "Can you fix this?" while pointing at a spot on the customer's head that he can't possibly see without his glasses.

Fourth issue. Please understand the look of concern on the customer's face when the gentleman you call over to fix your mistake has a slight tremor. ("I'm just going to clean up around this ear" he said, as I watched the clipper jiggle in his palsied grasp.) And if the customer yells, "But he has a tremor!" just be aware of the "tremor"/"trimmer" homophone and its repercussions before you say, "Well, duh!"

Fifth issue. When you shake the cape at the end, while the patron gasps for air, don't shake all of his hair (and I mean ALL after the cut I got) onto his sandals for him to feel betwixt his toes for the rest of the day.

And finally, when all is said and done, if you overhear the guy's wife say, "But you look like a cast-member from 'Slingblade,'" take no offense. She always says stuff like that.