Trent Love

The road to Trent was not an easy one.  I still think about Nadia every single day, and despite what people might think, having Trent doesn't make the Nadia pain go away.  I realize that had we not lost Nadia, Trent would not be here... but, in the end, I want them both.  So, while having Trent does not make the loss of Nadia go away, it does bring it full circle and has shown us the amazing love and provision God has for us.

In Indiana, there is something called the putative father registry, and birth fathers can register with the Department of Health to say that "that's my baby, and I want him back."  Now, Trent's named birth father signed before he was born, and his birthmom signed upon exiting the hospital.  This situation, in the domestic adoption world, is as good as it gets.  However, I was plagued with unbelievable fear that the birth father who signed might not be the birth father.  What if there was someone else?  What if the birthmom had a secret fling and never disclosed it?  What if someone wanted to take love-of-my-life-Trent-David away from us?   Birth fathers have thirty days to claim these rights, and even though it looked picture perfect, because of the Nadia situation and all the deceit we encountered there, I struggled to believe that we'd get to keep Trent.  I struggled to call him "my son," and I often told Grant and Grace to "go help the baby" not "go see what's wrong with your brother."

The thirty days were an eternity.  And then, it took even longer because of "day 30" being on a weekend and the Memorial Day holiday.  I pestered our lawyer.  I prayed like mad.  I cried.  But, early on in the process, I had found this verse, and I felt like David penned it for me eons ago.  It's like it was written just for me, and when the waves of anxiety and fear came, I would cling to this verse from Psalms 10:

But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.

Could anything have spoken more to my situation?  I felt afflicted.  I had grief.  I felt like a victim, at times.  Our situation concerned the fatherless.  Three things stuck out above all else, though: 1. It is God, first, who has taken up the cause of the fatherless; I'm just coming in to help.  2. Committing myself to Him was the answer for my anxiety.  3. (and this was the biggest): The image of God taking my grief in hand was the most powerful image of dealing with my grief that I had yet to encounter.  It conjured images of totality, of an attempted ease, of unburdening.

Still, I couldn't be more excited for the day to come to hear that no one had claimed Trent.  And when did our attorney hear the news back from the Health Department... on Nadia's first birthday!  I knew, at that moment, that all the waiting, all the pain, had been so God could say, "See, I've got this--too--under complete control."

I am so thankful for Trent.  So very, very, very thankful.  He is not an easy baby, but he's an absolute dream, and we couldn't be more thankful.  No, really, this isn't a baby we take for granted--we couldn't be more thankful.

So, as for Trent's adoption, we finalize in court at the end of August; we're so happy to be a family of 5... so grateful.