The Anti-Facebook--TOP 10

As Bret delves (per previous post) deeper and deeper into Facebook hell (and, yes, I do think that it is an actual layer in Dante's inferno), I--for one--am putting my foot down.

I have lots of reasons that Facebook isn't right for me, and because blogging is right for me, I will now list these highly astute reasons for you.

1. I don't have a smokin' hot picture of myself for my profile. For me to join Facebook, I'd have to look like a Greek goddess. No, really. As I secretly scroll through Facebook profile pictures of friends from previous eras of my life, I'm thinking to myself, "Man, she looks really, really bad." Or fat. Or old. So, I don't want anyone looking at my picture and thinking the same thing. I know I have wrinkles and gray hair. I know I have a few pounds to shed. I don't need the rest of the world knowing it too.

2. I don't want to talk to half the people who would want to be friends. I've checked out peoples' friends, and it looks like most people "take on" friends who they really aren't that keen on to begin with... there are about five people from high school, even fewer from elementary school and college, and even fewer from the grad school years from whom I want to hear life updates. And, for the most part, I'm in touch with those people. And, they complete me.

3. And for current friends, we're current friends for a reason: because you live in INDIANAPOLIS and, wait for it, so do I. How about coffee?

4. Let's be honest. It started as a college thing, became a high school thing, and now it's an old person thing. I'm a trendsetter, people. I don't pick up a trend that's on it's way to some hot or not list.

5. My current students are Facebook junkies. I don't want them seeing me, and I sure as heck don't want to see them. I want to stay as far away as I can from the unparented, uncensored world of my kids.

6. I've got stuff to do. No, really. I have three bathrooms to clean. I have a kitchen floor to scrub. I am behind by over a year on Grant's scrapbook. I have spring cookies to make with my son. I don't have time for this Facebook crap, and I can't imagine you do either! Chop, chop!

7. Not to sound to anti-tech, but truth be told, I'm holding at email. I have not and will not embrace the text, the facebook, or the twitter. Don't even get me started on the twitter.

8. One of the options is "Poke," a lingo I don't get and don't understand. For example, if you pull up a friend, it says, "Poke Kate." Poking is mean and bad. My mom did her work to teach me that a long time ago, and I'm not ditching some stellar upbringing to be a part of what is cool and hip. Just so you know, that was my line for other such vices: sex, drugs, partying.

9. Facebook is shallow. On one's profile, there is room for favorite movies, favorite TV shows, favorite books, and--here's my favorite--favorite quotations. There are no real questions: What do you believe? How do you try to live that belief out in the day to day of your life? What issues are you passionate about currently? What are your deepest struggles, triumphs, and regrets? Sherbet or Ice Cream?

10. Under status, there is no "happily married" button as that is obviously what Bret would have put had he had the option. Obviously.

I will provide one exception to this Facebook boycott: when my own children have one. But, let's be honest, by then it'll be some new fancy technology, but my point remains. If my kids are into some secret, friend only, pass around pictures from last night's party kind of club, I'm in too. Oh, and don't think I won't make them by my friend. That's right. I work with high school students every day, and I think teen privacy is highly overrated.

So, until I change my mind, and it's going to take a whole lot for that to happen, I'm off to be productive... or to sit in front of my Tivo watching lame reality TV.