Stuff that's happening to me that I don't like

1. I'm molting. That's right. For whatever reason this year, my forehead and nose have begun shedding their skin on a nightly basis. Each night I exfoliate until I look like I took a punch from Muhammad Ali, and I look fine until I get to work the next morning, at which point I look like someone used a cheese grater on my face. It sucks. I look like an idiot. Nobody climbs the corporate ladder with eyebrow rot.

2. I have a cold. Nobody bothered to tell me that having kids meant that my own health would deteriorate, leaving me healthy approximately 6 and a half hours per month.

3. I'm on a diet. Usually when I go to China, I lose weight. But when you take a month long adoption trip, you eventually give up and start eating pizza and cheeseburgers whenever possible. Now I'm fat again. Crap.

4. I have a thing behind my ear that I keep hitting with the razor when I shave. Each time I hit it, it comes back bigger and meaner. Perhaps I'm growing a new ear, not yet deafened by hundreds of concerts. Or perhaps it's a wart.

5. It's my birthday. Erin and I went on a solo outing the other night, and on the way home discussed how quickly life was zipping along. I now understand why old people say, "but I still FEEL like I'm 16." Yeah, well, tell that to your molting face and that belt buckle buried beneath three weeks worth of quarter pounders. At least when you sneeze in your coffin, it won't wake you up and cause a throbbing in your new third ear. Happy birthday.