Arranged Marriage

The statistics on the success of arranged marriages are staggering. Many people will tell you that the success has to do with cultural or religious or familial expectations, but I think there is something greater at play. I know someone who will be part of a parent-bartered marriage. Now, it's not like his spouse has been picked from birth. Rather, several families are on the "short" list, and when the time comes, two families (of the boy and the girl) will meet to talk about the possibilities. If, for the boy, there is no "love connection," he is under no obligation (same for the girl).

And, here's the deal. I think there's something to this idea because: I know my kids. I really know them. Grant, for example, is going to need someone who is receptive to his constant touchiness. He likes to hug, to snuggle, to rub cheeks. He does it with me and with his sister, and we have to work hard to make sure he doesn't do it with every girl in his preschool class. He's a lover. And, he's really swayed by his emotions, so he needs a girl who, while willing to snuggle through some scary movie, holds on to her thinking cap. And, he likes to talk. I know a lot of preschoolers like to talk and to ask questions. But, it's really important to Grant--he values greatly when someone really listens to him. And very importantly, she can't be a flirt. Remotely. Grant is the most jealous kid (see previous note about being ruled by emotions) I have ever met. He cries when it someone else's birthday. He cries when someone else kicks a soccer goal. Just today, he started to whimper when the kid in the Target ad had on the same PJs as Grant. He can marry a beautiful girl, but she can't know she's beautiful. I could keep going about the kind of mate that would best for Grant. And, really, don't even get me started on the kind man Grace will need.

And, so, I don't think it is a bad idea to lead him in the direction of quality women down the road. You might think I am joking (okay, I kind of am... but, only kind of), but I have my own short list of girls who I think would be a good fit for Grant. And if the parents aren't totally crazy, and I could enjoy a glass of wine with them (much less a similar belief about what matters in the world), the deal is even sweeter. It's important for me that my kids choose friends wisely; we're already having that conversation with Grant, and it's exceptionally important that my kids pick a husband or a wife with extreme care.

I know this all sounds a wee bit crazy; you're thinking: he's only four! And you're right. But time is moving quickly, and it's true: Mommy always knows best!

So if you have a daughter who is currently in womb or under the age of 8, we might need to talk. Just make sure you look at some of the above criteria . Serious inquires will be considered.